I had a lovely lunch with a friend the other day; the food was great, the ambience relaxed and conversation casually moved through the joys of black pudding, our shared love of sea swimming and on to how Albert Einstein’s Theory of Relativity blew Newton’s concept of Time and Space out the water. I’m sure lunch dates go something like that for you too.
Admittedly, my contribution to this part of our conversation largely consisted of me spreading hummus onto pitta bread but that’s not to say that I wasn’t taking it all in – milling it, sieving it, kneading it to a perfect dough – then transforming it into something unrecognizable from its original form – like pitta.
The heart of Einstein’s theory (as I have now conceptualized it) was to prove that Time and Space were not constants as we had previously believed since the days of Isaac Newton. That instead of the existence of a physical static dimension into which we, the agents of movement and momentum, operated, Einstein proved that Time and Space were equally dynamic and in flux and therefore could only be measured and understood relative to our own dynamism and momentum.
We are in the process of moving house and the last few weeks building up to this moment has convinced me, more than ever, that the physical space in which you live, is very far from static and constant and in fact lives and breathes according to your own physicality and dynamism.
What I’m trying to say, in a roundabout way, is that OUR FLAT KNOWS THINGS ARE ABOUT TO CHANGE. This may or may not (most probably not) be a good representation of Einstein’s Theory of Relativity but it is my pitta pocket version so indulge me.
Here’s the evidence.
Firstly, an unopened bottle of Fish Sauce launches itself out of the top cupboard and smashes on the kitchen floor. If you are unfamiliar with the aroma of fish sauce, I suggest you dump about 10 kilos of rotting fish guts on your kitchen floor for the equivalent experience.
Secondly, I drop an entire tin of mustard seeds on the kitchen floor, resulting in a billion miniscule black beads being propelled into every corner of the kitchen so that 3 weeks later I’m STILL FINDING THEM!!
Thirdly, in 9 years of living in this flat, I’ve never seen a single mouse, never seen any evidence of their existence. Then in a single day, there are two. (Any prospective buyers out there need not worry, they have now gone again!).
Fourthly, 10 minutes before the first viewing, the toilet decides not to stop filling the cistern.
Fifthly, (and I really hope no prospective buyers read this) in the last week or so, sounds in the chimney at night make me think that Santa Claus is actually stuck up there. Larger than a bird or a rodent, I have no idea what the hell is going on but it’s seriously keeping me awake.
I won’t even begin to tell you the way our family home reacted to the death of my father in it, with almost every single electrical appliance breaking down or fusing in the days that followed, but that’s another story.
In the meantime, James, I’m sorry, I probably haven’t come close to doing justice to the creative and engaging way you described these huge concepts to me over lunch but it has given me the chance to draw analogies between moving house and Albert Einstein and who would have thought THAT was possible!