I spent most of last night sandwiched between two giant South Africans on the flight from Johannesburg. Both men had their elbows and legs forming perfect triangles to their bodies, leaving me with a narrow channel in the middle in which to sit. I spent most of the ten hour flight pencil straight with my arms tucked into my body, like being wedged into the coffin of a very, very thin person. Then one of them accidently kicked me with the steel girders he was wearing for shoes as he made his way to the toilet and nearly broke my ankle. So that’s when I decided to start a fantasy kill list.
I decided to add the Christian Youth of America sitting across the aisle from me to the list simply because the bible quotes on their t-shirts were annoying me. However, I sensed enough tension within the group that they may have indeed killed each other before the day was out so it might turn out to be unnecessary to have them on the list after all.
The security staff at Terminal 5 definitely need to be added to the list for being annoying and snappy at 5 o’clock this morning. It’s bad enough at any time of day but 5am people! Is it really necessary?
The last person on the list is Ivana Trump. It’s not really her fault but what the hell, now I’ve made the list, Ivana, you may as well be on it. Next time join the queue like everyone else, lady.